AM I OR AREN’T I? (23/11/11)

I suffered a bit of a set back ten years ago. I had a contretemps with a helicopter. I’m trying to draw my pension early. Dithery David has other ideas. Surely there is a job I can do. Yes there is. I could become a useless drain on the state like him. Smuggy pants.

 These are the two gentlemen running Little Britain. Who voted for them……..no one, they just assumed power. This picture is from yesterdays Daily Telegraph so I assume it is the best they could find. For two people who have endless money…. and safety boots I would have preferred to see a bit of dignity. What is Ditheries hand  doing in his pocket? One shouldn’t play with the crown jewels on a photo shoot, no matter how attractive the photographers are. You should also set an example to we mere mortals and wear an ‘ard hat. I know it makes you look silly but you have done that without the ‘at!

A feast was yesterdays paper.

    So is mine…………I have to do it on my own. He has the help of over paid experts.

Michael Deacon says it better than I ever could. He’s a proper scribe. Dithery possibly found his bazooka again in the first photo! Maybe he was still looking for it! I suspect that he is mixing metaphors………Silver spoon? Or does he still watch the Lone Ranger for inspiration? I suspect the confederation had sussed he was back unless they were in Berlin. Silly boy. I thought he wrote this crap himself……No, he employs, or we do, equally daft folk to do it for him. Happen it’s getting letters in the right order confuses him!

Yesterday I went for my medical……………..I’m not well. I put a pebble in my left shoe to make me limp. Shouldn’t have bothered. The harridan that conducted it could have been Quasimodo's mother I was limp enough.

This morning I had a visit from a lovely lady from Little England Pensions. She checked my bank accounts, my passport, my driving licenses ( I do have two, an Irish one and a Little England one). Called belt and braces, if I should be unlucky enough to lose one then I can drive on the other. She seemed very pleased. she could verify with my help that I’m poor……….thank the lord for online banking. David……….I said Banking. Not what you were donging…………doing I mean.

This took some believing……….They are back dating my pension to July. The final decision will rest with some wonderful person in Dundee…….Dundee is in Scotland …Home of Jute and Marmalade………a foreign country!….I’m really worried.

I’ve heard of out sourcing but David: most competent companies out source to India. Not bloody Scotland. Our sworn enemies.

I’ll let you know how I get on and normal service should be resumed tomorrow.

Have fun.